The 12 Unbreakable Rules of Pop-Art UI

People ask how I ended up with a website that looks like it fell out of a 1966 comic book. Here is the entire design philosophy, in twelve rules. Please print them out and tape them above your monitor.

The unbreakable rules

1. Shadows are hard. A blurry drop shadow is a shadow that has given up.
2. Borders are 4px. 3px is a suggestion. 5px is shouting. 4px is conversation.
3. Rotate something by 2 degrees. Perfectly straight layouts are for spreadsheets.
4. There are four colors. Yellow, magenta, cyan and ink. A fifth color must earn its place through trial by combat.
5. Every section needs a sound effect. If you can't think of one, use "POW!". It has never let anyone down.
6. Halftones go in the corners. Like spices: a little everywhere, a lot nowhere.

The rules you may break (carefully)

7. Headlines should be uppercase. Unless you're whispering.
8. Buttons should move when you hover. Unless they're on a moving train.
9. Speech bubbles need tails. Unless the speaker is a ghost.
10. Never use gradients. Except sunbursts. Sunbursts are legally not gradients.
11. Emojis are not icons. Draw the icon. We'll wait.
12. Rules are meant to be broken. Except rules 1–6.

Rule 2 has ended friendships. I stand by it.